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It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.