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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Smelling another person should be a choice.