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One trenta cheeseburger please.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.