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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!