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Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.