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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage