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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?