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Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch