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Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.