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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.