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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.