Daily Silly Status

Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.

Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.

Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?

They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!

I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.

The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.

It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)

I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.

You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.

Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.

When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)

I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.

I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"

I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...

I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"