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Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..
Technically, every picture is a before picture.