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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
heyy lol
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.