Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I am used but in good condition.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.