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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s