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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Ride me like you stole me.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.