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Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?