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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.