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It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
This day needs more tomfoolery!
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate