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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.