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The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.