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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.