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Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.