Daily Silly Status

I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.

The black sheep always have the best stories.

does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free

I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.

“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.

I am used but in good condition.

I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.

There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.

You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch

If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.

It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.

Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.

I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.

I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.