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Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.