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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
In space they just call it "Jam"
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.