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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.