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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate