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“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
It’s not pretty being easy.