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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.