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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.