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You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."