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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?