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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.