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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.