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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Sometimes you just have to logout...
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!