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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.