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Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.