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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
Iām in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.