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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.