Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work