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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."