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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...