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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?