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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.