Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!