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A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.