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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
“I saw that.” -Karma
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters