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Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.