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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.