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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.